When do we stop bullying our women?
| July 23, 2012 | Posted by Shehla Rashid under Kashmir, Shehla Rashid in Print, Women |
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We suppress them, we torture them, we abuse them; yet we expect them to be obedient, modest and quiet. Being a woman in Kashmir means that you have to face to harassment on a daily basis, yet be quiet about it. You are an epitome of patience, modesty and subservience; complaining about your plight is obscene; speaking out against discrimination and violence amounts to shamelessness. The onus of upholding the presumed modesty of the society is on you while men can freely go around slaughtering it. And even though morality is your responsibility, immorality is your doing. The male of the species is innocent, superior, wiser and has a right to abuse, to harass and to beat you up. But you are expected to be a lady and “ignore” all this, in other words, live with it.
Walk through the streets and you must learn to live with unsolicited attention and unwarranted “touch” of the all-powerful male. Travel by a local bus and you’ll face groping and frotteurism. Drive through the lanes of Srinagar and you’ll be booed even by boys who are much, much younger than you. It makes one wonder what upbringing and grooming these young boys receive- at home, at school and elsewhere. How can young boys’ behavior towards women be so sick? Is it just by chance or a result of chauvinistic indoctrination? What ugly underlying mindsets does this seemingly small but widespread symptom reflect? It tells a lot about how women are treated inside their homes- the same mentality is reflected by the behavior of kids outside the home. I, however, make it a point to stop, go back and ask them to clarify what their comment or their booing meant. There are two reasons for this- I really want to know what’s going on in their minds and, of course, I want to scare the heaven out of them so that they do not repeat such behavior with anyone. But then, I’m probably the only one and I’m very non-stereotype. MOST women take such insult lying down, which is not very surprising considering the different values that we impart to boys and to girls. Even I was brought up with lessons to “ignore”, “keep quiet” and “move on”. I don’t. But that’s a different story.
News reports of rape and abduction of girls do not make it to even the 8th page (Ref: GK, July 13, Pg. 9), let alone the front page. If an army man or a cop harasses a girl, people protest in the strongest terms possible, which is good! However, can we not spare even half of that outrage for women who are harassed, raped, molested, abused and tortured by our own men? If a military wallah passes a comment at a local girl, it is termed oppression, which it is! But what about the oppression that we subject our women to, on a daily basis? Why no outrage, no bandh, no condemnations, no fatwas against crimes committed by our own men against women? If we ever achieve Azadi (freedom) it’ll be won for only half of the society- women will continue to be slaves.
Our selective morality seems to be outraged only by men in uniforms. For the rest of the men, women are apparently “apna maal” (personal property). Harassment of women is so common that many women have actually learnt to live with it. It is probably as widespread in Kashmir as are rapes in South Africa. Is that the kind of nation that we want to be? Nation-building must start well before the conflict is over. And no country can be successful unless it accords due respect to its women.
A version of this appeared in Greater Kashmir. Click to read.
*abusive — edited out*
I know there are women which are abused and ill treated but it takes two to make a clap. And who are you to judge the personal problems of others? No couple wants the fights but things happen. Those are their private problems and you should not poke your nose. And if you are so eager to help the really suffering women, do help her in real for once. You will feel much more delightful.
*abusive — edited out*
I’m afraid, it’s no one’s “personal” matter. Domestic (or otherwise) violence is a legal offence, a crime. And it must be treated as such.
Have you ever done FIR with police station on someone’s behalf or for yourself?
My point is that you should first do something in real and then make a story of it. Don’t blabber just like that.
PS: “ek to is garmi na aur dusa in feminist ne meri jaan bahut tang kar ke rakhi hai.”
At least don’t push such a disgraced picture of Kashmir with you stupid writings. My sympathies are with you too. Not everyone is like the one you meet on roads.
PS: “kichad mei uchalnay se kichad ka hi daag lagta hai.”
I agree with Ahsan. Just another cheap stunt for getting noticed n gaining attention. It’s pure exaggeration and nothing else. Maybe a small kid passed a few words to her for not driving properly in some narrow lane and that’s why she’s taking out all her anger via this article
Dear Shehla,
It was nice reading your blog. I agree with you on the part that we women ought to raise our opinions about how we are treated. If men can act as perverts, I am sorry to say that they are encouraged in their homes by the elders including the women to look down on women and treat them as an object of amusement. That’s the tragedy! No wonder we find women with such a low self-esteem. We need to expose this outrageous act and make people aware that we have had enough and its not going to be tolerated anymore.
Shehla has raised an important issue, if a college male student or school going boy shows this type of behaviour then it is very sad and it shows his bad education and bad upbringing, parents, school teachers and masjid immams should make it a point to teach them these things. Females also should dress up decently
In today’s world where animalistic behavior is more entertained than humanity , blood is more preferred than peace , and our old traditions which were changed according to one’s convenience are blindly followed and at the end what do we c, just black out state of mind. As a social worker i had experienced a lot of women victims and yes i do support what you said. The surrounding is more responsible for what the situation is created today. We show ourselves as 21st century human being but in actual we are old mentality animalistic people who show to be innocent and cool but in actual doing all crimes in white clothes. and for me the best solution for helping women for such a thing is instead of asking other to change perspective(which is time taking and not so easy) change perspective of women itself , prepare them to stand and boost them with so much power so that they can face the world. That is what empowerment is giving power to powerless.
Hats off for this wonderful write up dear shehla.
I fully agree with you.
“Harassment of women is so common that many women have actually learnt to live with it.” Can you elucidate the quoted text, according to me its very disturbing. Shehla I am not an anti-feminist but if ladies want to get their rights, 1st of all they have to respect each other, secondly relying on men to change overnight is a mockery. Remember two men initiated and abolished the horrifying SATI system. Situation changes with time and in the current era, women have to fight fiercely to snatch their rights or else the atrocities on women will never stop. Hiding behind a ghunghat or burqa is like axing yourselves. Writing quoted text above doesn’t look good on a person of ur regards and clearly reflects that ur tagging the women sex as a loser, and in no way u have the license to write such kind of obnoxious stuff. There are flocks of women who are fighting for themselves but have never said that female sex have adjusted to bullying or whatever.